another post already....

This morning Sophia and I were having a contest to see who was grumpier and no one was winning. Jennifer called right at the moment when I was losing it and invited us out for coffee. Time with her and Rebecca at a family-friendly cafe, time in the park, collecting gorgeous fall leaves were all therapy much needed for us both. We made art later.

It finally dawned on me, after saying to multiple friends, "I don't know what to do. Sophia keeps hurting Eleanor and nothing we are trying is working", that I could pray about this. I feel like an idiot to not have thought of it before. What a concept, huh? So, if you think of it, and you are reading this, could you please pray Sophia will stop hurting Ella? I think it is all about power, attention and drama, which are no strangers to my own personality - but I guess the fruits of the Holy Spirit will do the trick. I could use some of those too as I feel farther and farther from them every time I get SO mad Sophia has hurt Eleanor again. It makes me feel like a terrible Mum and just need some help... and we've tried it all, I think.


On the good side, they do (miraculously) adore each other and Eleanor looks at Soph like she hung the moon. (Thank God.) Sophia has taken to greeting Eleanor by saying "Hey Ella Bella, the cat and the fella, the cow jumped over the moon."

Photos taken by Nunuboo at a soap event we recently attended.

Even though I say I think we've tried everything, I'd still love any encouragement or advice anyone has to offer.....

William Tell Overture for Moms

This is funny.

moments of joy

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since I posted last. I've had lots of good ideas for posts, but the time seems to never be enough for a deep outpouring of thoughts - so I think I will give an update of recent events.



Eleanor now has 2 teeth, is also very close to crawling, and today she made me laugh, really, laugh by laughing at me. She is sitting in the eating chair now (the mini high chair) and pounds down the food. She is super close to crawling, like to eat paper, and when she can, rips huge hand fulls of Sophia's hair out...payback.

Eleanor eats - and decorates with avocado.

We went to Seattle last week to see our friends and pay a pastoral visit of sorts to the YWAM crew there. It was a really rich time with lots of good connections. I felt like God was really in the timing of our visit and we all enjoyed ourselves. Sophia loves to play with our friend's kids, and we love hem all too, so it's win- win.


We spent Sunday cooking with our friend Zach, actually, he and Wade cooked, I ate. My favourite pic from the day is this one above of Zach and Eleanor. Eleanor's shirt is one that wade made for Soph when she was a baby. It has "Rage Against The Machine " lyrics on it, the front says "I was born to raise a fist against the system" and the back says "Yes, I know my enemy."

Phil and I eat the amazing pasta Wade made for us.

I'm well. I tend to be still trying to find a balance within my self most days of not stressing out over goals I set myself (and then feel I HAVE to keep, forgetting I can let myself off the hook), and just enjoying my kids. I wish I could remember every little thing they do and feel tempted to beat myself up about the fact that I can't seem to put any time into baby books or journals to catch every precious minute. Instead I have been trying to enjoy my moments with them more, so that when I look back I'll know the moments I can't remember were well spent - but I still yell at Sophia more than I would like. I still probably have a least one moment a day where I feel like a genius for handling a problem well, but those are interspersed with me acting like a 3 year old every now and then. Today I went for walk, something I have been meaning to do for literally months. It was pretty great, actually.

In grasping moments of joy a big, big one lately was being invited to a "animal pancake party" in Seattle. It was amazing! Our friend Heather's dad has a technique using turkey basters and squeeze bottles where he can create any animal you name and he was put to the test! I had a deer, Wade ordered a water buffalo, and others ordered manatees, lemurs, pterodactyls holding turtles - I think i loved the peacock the best - sorry no pic.)


Sophia had a zebra:

here's some others:


I think I'm gonna try it too....

big day!

Today was Sophia's first full day of preschool! She left this morning with her friend Rebecca.
She was stoked, I was a little emotional.


Sophia turned three and has just decided to be big. It is mildly disconcerting, but immediately, actually ON the day of her birthday, went on the big kid playground instead of the little kid playground. She was swinging on the bars she likes and said "Where are the big monkey bars?" I said, "Those are the big monkey bars." "No, the big ones." "Yes, those are them. They are not smaller, Soph. You grew!" And she laughs... She has, in fact, according to the doctor, grown 6 cm since April.

And then...has conquered the doctor, the dentist, learning to use the computer, ride a bike with training wheels, memorizing how to spell her own name, learn her numbers and letters, rearrange the things in her room and say things like, "Speaking of cheese..." and "I get the point."

I really like this big kid, but can someone tell me, didn't I just have a baby around here? Where did she go?

just thinking...

A thought has occurred to me as I attempt to encapsulate my day for this blog. I think motherhood of young children is partly so exhausting because I experience so many emotions in one day.

Just today I have experienced :annoyance, joy, pride, anger, awe, nervousness, relief, surprise, gratefulness, an uplift, a near breakdown, pettiness, stress and peace and I am sure I'm missing a few.

All that was before 8pm.

Oh, and Wade got me a new phone, it has a camera, an MP3 player and all sorts of things...but I was just aware that there was a time I would have dived right in to play with it all it does, and really I was just thinking..."When am I going to have time to figure that out?"
but, I also thought that I could take really cute pictures of the kids at the park...

Still looking for the joy.
Today I stopped and tried to think of 10 Beautiful Things while I did my ankle exercises and one of the things I attempted to find beauty in was how filthy my ceiling fan is because of all the dust, sun, fun and cooking of summer. It actually did make me feel better about it. It is atrocious.

playdate

Guess who's having a playdate at our house? Right now I am listening to Sophia and Rebecca talk. It is hysterical.

It's really fun that they are old enough to play together now. They're going to start going to Ms. Pam's preschool on Wednesdays together. As my sister and the BNF would say, good times, noodle salad.

our 10th anniversary party

What a day we had. On Saturday we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows and then partying it up with about 50 of our closest friends.



It was an absolutely lovely day. It was, as my friend Jennifer said afterwards, like a wedding with none of the stress. What surprised me, though (I know this may sound silly seeing as I helped PLAN the thing) was that it was just like a wedding. I knew we were having a party, but I hadn't really processed how much it would be another wedding and it was utterly overwhelming in a fabulous way. I never imagined it could be so great.

I loved wearing my original wedding dress, and was awed at the emotions it stirred in me to be a bride again. As I put my dress on, I was nervous, but couldn't figure why (I mean, I married the guy ONCE already), and then it dawned on me everyone was going to look at me say mushy deep things to Wade (which again, I know I do all the time when I teach, but...you know.) It is also strange when you are the bride you don't get to see everyone arrive one by one, you just walk in and suddenly people from every season of your life are in the same place at the same time, like a dream. This was really a good dream come true. While there were a lot of people who I would have loved to have had there, so many came that were such a surprise.



God totally blessed me and helped me find just what I wanted to say to Wade just when I needed to say it. He was so handsome, he was and still is better than I ever dreamed a man could be. He also looked really hot! (My dad loaned Wade his Cub Scout cuff links, which made me cry when I saw them. I also had flowers from my favourite flower shop, The Flower Box, which...yes, made me cry when I saw them.) My brother sang, and I really missed my sisters. I wore earrings from Caroline and carried my Pooh bear necklace from Liz ( you can see it in the photo above) with my bouquet to have a piece of them with me.



None of our original wedding party could be with us (but they ALL wanted to be - love you guys...) but our dearest friends nearby all stood up for us. (Jennifer is missing from this shot below - she was moving her car! - but when I get one with her I will post it too.) The guys all wore Utilikilts that Wade won with his Utilikilt prize winnings and we were all lookin' pretty fine.



My bridesmaids were INCREDIBLE. They were just what I always hoped bridesmaids could be, baking scones for breaky, painting my toes, buying jewellery, looking after my baby, driving and flower-wrangling and photo-taking and getting their own kids there all in one piece. And, when Sandra heard I had never had a fancy-schmancy wedding cake, she organized Angela and her friend Julie to help and they MADE THIS CAKE:



I KNOW! And this is me seeing the cake for the first time:



And then, to top it all off, Angela and Leigh managed to surprise us by arranging for all our friends to chip in to buy us a new laptop...and not just any one, but the best you can get. They gave us an empty box to open, and when all the $$$ arrives we will be getting the new model of the Mac Book Pro that will be released in October. I know! I know!



Wade was wearing Eleanor asleep in the sling when they gave it to us...needless to say, she woke up.



So I have spent the last 2 days processing all the bliss. God has been really speaking to me over the last year or so about waking up to my emotions, being awake for my own life and that if I numb myself to pain then I will also be numb when the joy comes around too.


I am so glad I was not numb to joy this day. It was so, so much goodness I have had to work to take it in. It is too much. It is the extravagance of God in all His goodness. There is no logic as to why I am so blessed , but I am grateful to God and all those I love and who worked so hard for making Saturday such an amazing celebration.



all photos copyright 2007 Sandra Vander Schaaf Photography