Going Home

Today is Sunday and it has been difficult for me to post daily this week. Practically difficult, but also feeling like a lot of my emotions are too raw or too much or too personal to share on such a big stage just yet.

The kids spent a few days at my sister's house while we spent three days with Don & Gwen, cooking the evening meals for them and being with them in whatever way we could.

It is harder to be away from them now than it was to be with them. D&G's house is so full of peace, the presence of God is very near, even in the midst of so much pain, and struggle to navigate this unasked-for adventure.

It is always hard to adjust to the first day back when we or the kids have been away, this morning was tough getting out the door, lots of tears, now kids seem to all be fighting various sicknesses.

What I would like to talk about is how we said goodbye to Don. A just-in-case, we must be grateful for the chance, absolutely beautiful and life-wrecking good bye. But I would like to tell you, if you want to listen, on the phone, or better yet, seeing your face, or even better yet, sitting in the same room as me with a cup of tea.

It matters too much to tell it to anyone who may not listen to every breath, or every tear or every eye-smile.

And we are as well as can be, better than that, very rich, very sad, very much still parenting three young kids. Hating cancer, missing Gwen, holding Chris in our hearts, loving Don.

I go back and forth between very aware and doing anything I can to block it out. Still hoping for a miracle, still preparing for his home-going.